Girl With Issues

Damaged, but not broken.

I saw a post on my Facebook this week and the woman had bought these rubber doorstops for her kids or nieces or nephews, after Sandy Hook (I think), or one of the other school shootings. She told them to keep them in their book bag, because if they ever found themselves in that type of situation, they can use it to stop/jam the door in hopes that the shooter will not enter. Even if the shooter shoots out the lock or window to the door, using this little doorstop can give them time to hide, maybe escape, maybe the shooter will not want to deal with trying to get the door unjammed and move along.

Y’all…… I SHOULD NOT BE SITTING HERE AND CONTEMPLATING ON WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD BUY THESE FOR MY CHILDREN!!! I SHOULD NOT be going over in my head how to have this conversation with my 13 yr old, 11 yr old, 10 yr old or 8 yr old, on what to do if they are ever in a situation where there is an active shooter.

I mean seriously, it LITERALLY HURTS MY HEART, AND MY SOUL, thinking about this. Never in a MILLION YEARS would have thought that one day I would potentially be buying rubber doorstops to give to my BABIES to carry with them, in case someone decides to waltz in their school and shoot it up, and hope that this little piece of rubber could possibly save their life.

You buy a doorstop to keep a door open, NOT TO KEEP A SHOOTER OUT!

What do I say to them? “Hey guys Mommy bought these for you to keep with you at school. I want you to make sure you have them with you at all times, in case you need to jam the door to prevent yourself and your classmates from getting murdered.

Followed by, “No baby, don’t cry, I know your scared. This is just a precaution, a safety measure, it is a just in case kind of thing. No baby, no I do not think someone is going to come into your school and kill you. I will never let that happen. This is more for Mommy to have a peace of mind. You will be fine. I promise.”

Is that what I need to do? Lie to my children, so that they will go to school and feel safe, when I don’t even feel safe letting them walk out of the front door. Knowing that if someone did decide to go to their school and shoot it up, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO PROTECT THEM. I CANNOT STOP IT, BECAUSE I AM NOT THERE.

So…… Is this what my children’s safety, their well-being, THEIR LIVES comes down to? Deciding on if I should purchase a rubber doorstop and hope that they can jam the door before the shooter gets there? I do not know about everyone else, but I can’t live every single day in fear, because my children are in school and I know that it is a possibility I may not see them that night because somehow a student, or adult got a hold of an AR-15 or whatever the hell kind of gun there is and decided that today they would play God or the Universe or they were the person who gets to pick and choose who lives or dies that day.

The fear that I have is REAL, it is SUFFOCATING, it is that slow build up of pain in your chest, that slowly tightens, causing your heart to beat so fast it may explode and everything is so tight so heavy you cannot breathe. IT HURTS. No one should feel like that everyday, especially when it comes to sending your children to school, school is supposed to be a safe place. What do we do to fix this? I do not want to leave it up to a rubber door stop on whether or not my child lives or dies. Do you?

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