Girl With Issues

Damaged, but not broken.

bipolar

You will never understand “my tired.” When I say I am tired it is not because I stayed up too late or woke to early, or exercised to hard that day.  I am not tired because I was out with friends all night.

I am tired of being me; I am tired of the constant noise that is my mind, the rollercoaster of thoughts and moods.  I am tired because I am fighting with something every day.

Living with mental illness is not fun; it is a daily struggle, a love-hate relationship with myself. Sometimes, it is fearing my own mind.

When I say “I am tired,” I can feel the fatigue in my bones, in my soul. It is a tired, which never goes away. It is exhausting battling something that you cannot see, but you know that you cannot let it win.

The days that I have to put on my pretty face, my mask of happiness and pretend that everything is perfectly okay in my world, are the hardest.

No one knows how hard I am working every damn day. I don’t get a break. I never get a moment’s rest.

You see, I am alright with that. This is a disease that wants to rob me of everything that I will experience tomorrow. It wants me to give up, it wants my life.

But, I am not going to let it. I am going to fight it one day at a time, and every day that I fight will be the fight of my life.

So, when I say “I am tired,” know that I mean it, know that I am fighting to make sure that I can say “I am tired,” another day.

8 thoughts on “You Will Never Understand “My Tired”

  1. Oh I totally empathize, when you have an “invisible” illness people just don’t understand they just can’t. I do enjoy those mornings though where I wake up and my mind is empty not filled with the overwhelming, nagging anxious thoughts of usual. There’s just a peaceful emptiness where I don’t feel tired physically, emotionally or mentally. Sadly those mornings are few and far between but I’m working towards having more of them. Thank you for such an informative post, I hope those without illness read and can begin to understand.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love those kind of mornings as well. I hope those without illness will begin to understand as well. I try so hard to help those who do not suffer with mental illness, understand what people who do have the delight of living with mental illness go through.
      I also hope to lift the stigma that is associated with it as well.

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      1. I believe it’s so important to spread awareness and let people into our day-to-day lives. Yes living with these type of conditions is tough but there’s also so much we can bring to the table, so to speak. Plus I really enjoy connecting with people who can understand where I come from so speaking up about these things is really twofold. My blog isn’t up yet but I’m hoping to connect and educate in time.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I enjoy connecting as well.
        I am currently in school to become a social worker, and I hope it helps show others that just because I have this illness, it does not control my life, and I can do things like any “normal” person. I can’t wait to see your blog once it is up and running!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s so amazing, how is school going? I’m currently focused on being a stay-at-home mom which has proven to be an exhausting but exhilarating job. I was approved for permanent disability recently so after brainstorming some topics and doing some research I’ve decided to swallow the fear and start my blog. Thank you for your kind words!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’ve done the stay-at-home mom thing, it is the hardest, most rewarding job ever!

        School is going great! I will have my bachelor’s next year! It is exhausting working fulltime, 4 kids and school fulltime, but so incredibly worth it!

        I am glad that you are able to swallow the fear and start the blog! You will love it!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I hope you’re super proud of yourself, that is such an impressive accomplishment!!! I think you’re right about blogging I am definitely looking forward to it.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I am very proud! Some days, I have to remind myself- because I tend to forget what an accomplishment it really is.

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